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Third Collection
1
Lenin is dying, and talking things over with Stalin, his successor.
"The one worry I have," says Lenin, "is this: will the people
follow you? What do you think, comrade Stalin?"
"They will," says Stalin, "they surely will."
"I hope so," says Lenin, "but what if they don't follow
you?"
"No problem," says Stalin, "then they'll follow you."
2
This is a story about Johnnie's day at school....Johnnie's teacher got up in
front of the class and announced they were going to play a guessing game! The
teacher said, "I have something behind my back. It's red in color and
round. It's soft, but it's hard." Johnnie raised his hand and said,
"Teacher, I know it's a red rubber ball." The teacher said, "No
Johnnie, it's an apple, but I like the way that you think." Next the
teacher grabbed another object and put it behind her back. "I have
something behind my back. It's orange in color and round. It's soft, but it's
hard," said Johnnie's teacher. Johnnie raised his hand again and said,
"Teacher, teacher, I know it's an orange rubber ball." The teacher
looked at Johnnie and said, "No Johnnie, it's an orange, but I like the way
that you think." Johnnie was now getting the hang of it so he asked the
teacher if he could try one. Johnnie grabbed an object and put it behind his
back and said, "I have something behind my back. It's pink in color and
it's LONG. It's soft, but it's HARD." The teacher, getting upset, yelled at
Johnnie, "Now Johnnie, I'm going to have to tell the principal about this
perverted behavior." Johnnie stopped her and said, "But, teacher all I
have is my pink eraser, but I like the way that you THINK!!!"
3
Joan, the rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation
sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the frist day, but
on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she
slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone
running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel
over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant
manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton
doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your
wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it
make," Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and
besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Indeed," said the man,
"but we would prefer you didn't lie on the dining room skylight."
4
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