|
| |
Second Collection
1
A truck driver frequently traveled through a small town where
there was a courthouse at the side of the road. Of course, there were
always lawyers walking along the road. The truck driver made it a
practice to hit any pedestrian lawyers with his truck as he sped by.
One day, he spotted a priest walking along the road and stopped
to give him a ride. A little further along, as he approached the
town, he spotted a lawyer walking along the side of the road.
Automatically, he veered his truck towards the lawyer, but...then he
remembered his passenger. He swerved back to the center, but he heard
a "whump" and in the rear view mirror he spotted the lawyer rolling
across the field. He turned to the priest and said, "Father, I'm sure that
I
missed that lawyer." And the priest replied, "That's OK, my son, I got
him
with the door."
2
A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the
airline counter, she presented her ticket to Houston. And as she
gave the agent her luggage, she made this remark, "I'd like
you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to
London." The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't to that."
"Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because,...
That's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"
3
A dying man gathered his Lawyer, Doctor and Clergyman at his bed side and handed
each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise
that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelops
in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the
next life. A week later the man died. At the Wake, the Lawyer and Doctor and
Clergyman, each concealed an envelop in the coffin and bid their old client and
friend farewell. By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the
Clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only
$10,000 in the envelop he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all
the money, he would send it to a Mission in South America. He asked for their
forgiveness. The Doctor, moved by the gentle Clergyman's sincerity, confessed
that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The
envelop, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said, he too could not bring
himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used to benefit
others. By this time the Lawyer was seething with self-righteous outrage. He
expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of his oldest
and most trusted friends. I am the only one who kept his promise to our dying
friend. I want you both to know that the envelop I placed in the coffin
contained the full amount. Indeed, my envelop contained my personal check for
the entire $25,000.
4
A guy phones a law office and says: "I want to speak to my lawyer."
The
receptionist replies, "I'm sorry but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist
replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this
time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling
you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."
5
Ad seen in the New York Times...
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent
condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last
weekend. Wife knows f#*@ing everything.
|
