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Third Collection
1
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw
puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
2
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
3
There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a
blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about
20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to
shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten
miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. The
second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I
guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and
starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance
than the brunette, as she swam
out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go
on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they
made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles,
ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in
sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
4
A blonde went to a beauty salon to get a haircut. When the beautician
approached the chair where the blonde was waiting, she noticed that she was
wearing a walkman. The beautician took the blonde to her styling booth. She
asked the blonde, "Please take off the walkman so I can cut your
hair." The blonde replied, "I can't do without it, just cut around
it." The beautician shook her head in disbelief and started cutting. A few
minutes later the beautician stopped and asked the blonde, "I just can't
cut your hair properly while you are wearing that walkman. Please take it
off." The blonde replied, "I just can't live without it, cut around it
please." The beautician started cutting again and finally had had enough.
The beautician reached down and pulled the earphones from the walkman off the
blonde. Just as she did so the blonde froze, then fell out off the chair and on
to the floor. The staff at the salon rushed to her aid only to discover she was
stone dead. All were stunned! The beautician lifted the earphones to her ear to
listen to what was so important to the blonde. In a soft but commanding voice
she heard, "Breathe in.......... Breathe out............ Breathe
in.......... Breathe out............ Breathe in.......... Breathe
out............"
5
A blond woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object, she asks,
"What is that?" The store clerk responds, "It's a thermos."
The blond then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk says "It keeps
hot things hot and cold things cold." So she buys one. The next day, she
brings it to work with her. Her boss, also a blond, asks, "What is that
shiny object?" She replies "It's a thermos." He asks, "What
does it do?" She says, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things
cold." He then asks, "What do you have in there?" "Two cups
of coffee and a popsicle."
6
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The
route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their
arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for
airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning,
as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed
the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the
hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the
phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't
get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The
stewardess
replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one
is
the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says
'Do Not Disturb'!"
7
Q: What did the blonde say when he opened the box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh, look! Doughnut seeds!"
8
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or
twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
9
A blonde appeared at the Pearly Gates seeking admission. The
gate keeper said there was a test that had to be passed before
continuing to paradise, and that the test consisted of three questions.
The blonde said, "Go ahead, ask the questions."
"O.K." said the angel. "For the first question, tell me which
two days of the week begin with the letter T."
"That's easy", said the candidate for admission. "Today and
Tomorrow."
"Hmmmm", said the angel. "Well I can't argue with that. Now for
the
second question, tell me how many seconds there are in a year."
"There are twelve", said the candidate.
"Twelve?!" exclaimed the angel. "How do you figure that?"
"Well, there's January second, February second, March second, etc."
"O.K." mused the angel. "For the third question, tell me God's
first name."
"God's first name is Andy."
"Oh? What makes you say that?" asked the angel.
And the candidate replied, "It's right there in the song." (the
candidate begins singing an excerpt from the hymn, "In The Garden")
"And He walks with me, And He talks with me, And He tells me I am His
own..."
10
A professor invented a lie detecting chair. Whenever anybody sitting in it told
a lie, the chair would open up and dump the liar on the floor. During an
experiment, a brunette sat in the chair and the professor asked her to tell
about herself. She began, "I think you are the best teacher I've ever
had." The chair immediately dumped her on the floor. After the brunette
left in a snit, a blonde sat in the chair. The professor asked her to tell
something of her life. She began, "I think -"
The next thing she knew, she was sitting on the floor.
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