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Second Collection
1
There was a girl and a boy who were both in the fourth grade. The boy came by
the girl's house with a football and teased the girl saying, "Ha Ha! You
can't have a football cause your a girl." The girl goes to her mom crying
so her mom buys her a football. The boy got pissed off when he saw her with her
football. So the next day he comes by with a boys bike and teases her saying,
"Ha Ha! You can't have a boys bike cause your a girl!" So the girl
goes crying to her mom and she gets a boys bike. The boy gets very pissed off
again when she showed him her new bike. So the next day the boy comes by, pulls
down his pants and says, "I have one of these and you can't go crying to
your mom to get one!!!" She goes crying to her mom and then the girl comes
out pulls up her dress and says, "My mom said as long as I have one of
these I can get as many of those that I want!"
2
A nun comes out of a building and hails a cab. The cab driver pulls over and she
gets in. He asks her where she's going and she responds by saying, "I'm
headed to 682 West Haven Road." The cab driver says, "Well that's a
long way off. So do you mind if we talk?" The nun says, "No not at
all." The cab driver says, "So sister, do you ever think of well, you
know, doing it?" "Well, yes. The thought has crossed my mind."
Then the cab driver says, "And what would the circumstances have to be, to
do it." The nun says, "Well he would have to be unmarried, have no
children, and be a Christian." "Well this is your lucky day sister.
I'm all those things. You wouldn't have to break any vows or anything, you'd
just have to go down on me." The nun looks out the window and realizes that
they are out in a very rural area and no one was really around to see them. So
the nun hops into the front seat and ten minutes later hops into the back seat.
The cab driver now has a huge ear to ear grin on his face. And as they arrive at
the house he says, "Hey sister I lied to you, I'm married, I have six kids,
and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "Well that's okay. I lied too. My name
is Bob and I'm headed to a costume party."
3
This guy was having an affair with this girl. He thought he heard her husband
pull up so he ripped off his yellow condom and through it out the window. The
woman said, "My husband won't be home for another 15 minutes." The man
went out side and found the condom and continued making love with her. This kept
going on for a little while. Then he thought he heard her husband outside and
again he ripped off the condom and threw it outside. She said, "He won't be
home for five more minutes." He went outside to get it and found a little
kid holding it. He told the kid to give it back to him. The guy eventually ended
up paying ten dollars to get it back. The kid went home and told him mom,
"I sold a guy a twinkie today for ten dollars, but I made sure to suck out
the filling first!"
4
Well, after the big bad wolf had been killed by the woodsman, his cousin, big
bad nasty wolf moved into the forest. Grandmother had heard about him and she
warned Little Red Riding Hood about staying on the path while walking to her
house. One day, Mother prepared freshly baked bread for Little Red Riding Hood
to deliver to Grandmother. On her way, as she skipped down the path, the big bad
nasty wolf jumped out onto the path and said, "Give me the basket of
goodies, or I'm going to pull down your little red panties and fuck your little
red socks off." Immediately, Little Red Riding Hood handed over the basket
and took off running. Mother was very upset with Little Red Riding Hood for not
delivering the basket to Grandmother, even though Little Red Riding Hood didn't
tell Mother what had happened; she thought she could take care of this herself.
She put her father's .38 special inside the basket under the new loaf of bread.
So, the next day, while skipping along the path to Grandmother's house, the big
bad nasty wolf jumped out in front of her and said, "Hand the basket over,
or I'm going to pull down your little red panties and fuck your little red socks
off." This time though, Little Red Riding Hood pulled out the pistol,
pointed it straight at the wolf and replied, "But first, you're going to
eat me, like the book says."
5
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail
through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the
first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who
congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the
second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the
third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth
house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing
negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she
closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his
mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had
enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs,
potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When
he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was
pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's
the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my
husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something
special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Fuck him,
give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my
idea."
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